Is God Laughing or Crying?

Freedom of ?

2012-01-30T12:44:00.001-07:00

How dare the government

impinge upon our Religious Freedom

to discriminate against those

we so choose!

Write letters to your Congressmen.

A Worthy Cause

2012-01-05T08:45:00.001-07:00

So what if much of it goes to the lawyers;

it's tax deductible, isn't it.

I just pay, pray, and obey.

Discriminators, Unite!

2012-01-03T16:32:00.000-07:00

Gays, Lesbians, Feminists,

Dissenters and Conscientious Objectors

be damned;

The Vatican just replaced 'em all

with our fellow Anglicans.

There's more than one way to

keep the Holy Roman Empire

in tact.

What Conscience?

2012-01-03T08:49:00.003-07:00

No, Primacy of Conscience

does not apply to clerics;

Your oath of obedience vetoes it.

The Price for Disagreeing

2011-12-31T15:28:00.001-07:00

To disagree with

the pronouncements of the Bishops

is to morph into

the KKK.

And the Devil wears Prada

2011-12-25T07:26:00.003-07:00

The Pope wants us

to shelve the Glitz and Glamour

of Christmas.

A Restricted Presence

2011-12-20T23:33:00.000-07:00

Yes, God is more present

in the Bread and Wine

than in those who gather

to offer and consecrate it.

Consubstantiation

does not apply to people,

certainly not the laity.

The Presence of God

2011-12-20T23:29:00.000-07:00

Yes, you are Children of God,

but God is more present in

The Bread and Wine

than in you,

especially if you are lesbian or gay,

divorced and remarried,

disobedient,

or a non-catholic.

The Keys to the Kingdom

2011-12-17T11:02:00.001-07:00

He may be wrong about

contraception,

divorce and remarriage,

homosexuality,

single gender marriage,

the use of our donated monies,

protection of child abusers,

discrimination of women,

liturgical language,

and exclusion of people from the table,

but

if we do what he says,

we're guaranteed entry to heaven.

Guilt Governs

2011-12-15T08:35:00.000-07:00

This Jesus guy is going to ruin our Club by

trying to convince people they are Children of God and Good

and Free, no less;

Lets' do Him in and convince the people

they are responsible for His death

through their sinfulness and unworthiness.

That should keep them paying, praying, and

Obeying

for a long long time.

Faith vs. Reason

2011-12-01T15:30:00.001-07:00

You don't need to understand

the new words for the Liturgy;

just have Faith.

Subversion by Diversion

2011-11-27T18:45:00.001-07:00

Eureka, it worked!

The Vatican imposes stupid word changes

to the Liturgy

and no one is talking about

our sex-abuse cover up,

our mis-use of donated monies,

or our closing of churches.

They surely are infallible.

Happiness is . . .

2011-11-23T04:39:00.001-07:00

Good News!

Other Institutions have been protecting

Child Abusers too.

That should take the heat off us.

Only papists need apply

2011-10-24T04:33:00.000-07:00

Jesus may have welcomed and accepted all,

but we're a little more selective here.

Strategic Irrelevancy

2011-10-12T05:14:00.000-07:00

Becoming more and more irrelevant

in the real world
and in peoples' lives

is to our advantage;

People will not take the time,

nor make the effort

to reform Church

and instead

just leave!

Stag Party

2011-10-11T11:54:00.001-07:00

OK, Guys,

I've excluded the Women and Children;

Break out the Wine!

It's a Vintage only the Ordained can appreciate.

Signing Bonus

2011-10-10T09:38:00.002-07:00

As an extra-added incentive

to join the all-male celibate priesthood,

You will be the only ones

receiving Wine at Liturgy.

Words of the Fishermen

2011-09-28T09:50:00.002-07:00

We'll bring the Women and Children back in

after we figure out

What in Heaven's name is

Consubstantiation.

Is this your idea, Judas?

Huh

2011-09-28T07:05:00.002-07:00

I sent the Women and Children outiside

because they simply would not understand this

Consubstantiation.

Retirement Opportunity

2011-09-28T04:05:00.002-07:00

I'm retiring to Arizona;

Gonna open a few

"Consecrated-Wine-To-Go Shops."

To help prevent contamination by the non-ordained

2011-09-23T06:12:00.001-07:00

To protect the Sanctity of the ordained,

We will no longer use Lay Eucharistic Ministers

and

Altar Rails will be re-instituted

to keep the sanctuary and all in it Holy.

Papal Apology

2011-09-21T03:48:00.000-07:00

He's here to apologize

for abusing us as children.

Feel better now?

In the Language of the People

2011-09-21T02:44:00.000-07:00

As Jesus said,

"Do this in Consubstantiation . . . "

Help Not Wanted

2011-09-21T02:39:00.000-07:00

You are no longer needed

as a Eucharistic Minister;

the Bishop has eliminated

Wine at Liturgy

so we can be less dependent

on non-ordained peoples.

Bread and Wine?

2011-09-20T08:11:00.000-07:00

No more Wine at Communion;

Bishop needs the money

for Other things.

No Females at the Altar

2011-08-24T06:12:00.000-07:00

It is just too dangerous

for women to climb

to these heights.

(dangerous for whom?)

primacy of . . . What?

2011-08-20T03:07:00.000-07:00

Yes, We support

The Primacy of Conscience,

. . . as long as

it is in conformity with

What We Tell You Do.

On their Knees

2011-08-04T13:21:00.001-07:00

The Laity is not bowing to our wishes any more

so let's get them on their knees

to receive Communion

so they will have to look up to us.

A Table Restricted

2011-07-24T02:25:00.000-07:00

I thought Jesus welcomed all

to the table?

On High

2011-07-24T02:22:00.000-07:00

Though Scripture speaks of Jesus as

"The Last High Priest,"

Ordination has been created

to raise us above

the Priesthood of the Laity

conferred at Baptism.

Financial Conservatism

2011-06-25T12:49:00.001-07:00

So,

We agree then,

Close the inner-city parishes,

Get out of the Adoption business,

Stop health-care for mates of our employees,

and Use the priest pension-fund to

pay our lawyers.

That should be enough to conduct

Business as Usual.

Preferential Option for . . .

2011-06-25T12:42:00.000-07:00

No,

We cannot keep your inner-city parish open;

We can only minister to

those who can afford it.

Grand Design

2011-06-22T06:34:00.000-07:00

Control the Liturgy

and we control them.

Besides, if they all move to

Home Liturgies,

how will we get the collection basket?

Justice beyond Compassion

2011-06-06T07:47:00.000-07:00

That's correct,

Your Husband is no longer covered

under the Diocesan Health Insurance Plan.

Since the State mandated that

we must treat Gay and lesbian Couples justly,

we have opted to

cover NO mates of Church employees.

In addition to serving notice,

it saves us a lot of money.

Is this what Jesus meant by going beyond the law?

2011-06-06T06:35:00.000-07:00

We no longer assist people

with adoptions;

Since the State mandates that

we treat gay and lesbian couples justly,

we have opted to help no one

in the belief that

children are better off

with NO parents

than two of the same gender.

A Christ-like Stance

2011-06-02T07:53:00.001-07:00

The Church cannot defend

EVERYONE's rights;

We look after unborn fetuses

and

help the terminally ill exist ad infinitum.

We just don't have the resources

to prevent child abuse,

to give females equal rights,

to allow married men in our club,
to wage a battle against WAR,

or the desire to help

the intrinsically disordered.

We just cannot be

All Things to All People!

The Culprits found

2011-05-20T05:16:00.001-07:00

The Studies show clearly

that Society (the laity)

is responsible

for priests abusing children

(and for Bishops protecting them?)

Plan Ahead

2011-05-18T15:30:00.000-07:00

At the rate pewsitters are leaving

and ordained males are dying,

we've got max ten years;

if you haven't already,

start stashing away donations

for your retirement.

How many angels . . . ?

2011-05-02T13:10:00.000-07:00

I got legal advice

from a Canon Lawyer,

Child abuse, though wrong,

does not violate my vow of celibacy,

Disobeying the Bishop

DOES VIOLATE my vow

of Obedience.

Women and Children Last

2011-05-01T11:21:00.000-07:00

How could this happen

when our Captain for more than 25 years

was a Saint?

Something's Amiss

2011-04-28T05:18:00.000-07:00

We need to send some spys

to St. Francis Parish;

They are obviously doing something wrong--

Their numbers are growing by leaps and bounds.

Bishops at Work

2011-04-26T08:23:00.001-07:00

The Liturgical Language Ploy

is helping to keep the focus off

the real issues;

but we must now plan the next

diversionary tactic,

Your Emminences.

Too Many Smart Women

2011-04-25T12:39:00.000-07:00

Your request for acceptance

into the program

for an advanced degree in Theology

has been rejected;

We already have too many females

who know more about the Faith

than we.

Source and Summit

2011-04-21T13:01:00.000-07:00

Yes, Catholic Theologians

have spent a lifetime

in the study and understanding

of our Faith,

but the hierarchy

knows better.

Harsher Penalties

2011-04-19T08:57:00.000-07:00

The threat of Ex-Communication

does not seem to be

silencing our critics;

We'll need to reinstate

the Inquisition.

Smaller Purer Church Campaign

2011-04-19T08:55:00.000-07:00

The Bishop said

we can achieve eternal salvation

by simply mailing in

our donations.

2011-03-15T12:46:00.000-07:00

They wear large crosses

to remind us of our fate

if we exhibit too much of

Jesus' rebellious Spirit.

What's wrong with this picture?

2011-02-22T06:16:00.001-07:00

And We Even Pay to Have It Done to Us!

Through our regular Sunday donations

we actually pay the hierarchy to

abuse our children

and protect the abusers

thus perpetuating the abuse

discriminate

against married men,

against women,

against gays and lesbians

live royally

and dress in royal garb

of bygone eras

be non-transparent

and non-accountable to us

in all their actions

stifle our uniqueness

by imposing liturgical forms

alien to our present way of living

chase our children and grandchildren away

from our religious heritage

by refusing to speak to them

where they are

stifle our own personal Spiritual Growth

by trying to keep us in the box

of empty religious rituals

deny us the Gift of Freedom

affirmed us by Jesus.

Somehow, I don’t think this is what Jesus

had in mind when He sent his disciples out in the world

to Spread the Good news!

Now You See it, Now You Don't

2011-02-17T08:17:00.000-07:00

Yes, Title to Church Assets

is being transferred to the Parishes,

but not to your control;

It's only to avoid seizure

by the bankruptcy courts

on behalf of those we abused.

Circled Wagons

2011-02-15T12:11:00.002-07:00

We just might be

the ONLY ones

that are truly Roman Catholic anymore.

(Editor's note: Thank God Jesus wasn't one.)

Stengthening the Passwords

2011-02-08T11:13:00.001-07:00

As a security measure

and to prevent un-authorized access to Heaven,

We are changing the words used at Liturgy,

which though rather archaic,

insure entry through the Pearly Gates

solely by the truly "faithful."

Sainthood Strategy

2011-01-24T14:17:00.001-07:00

Making JP II a Saint

will surely stop

any reform called for by Vatican II

Dead in its tracks.

Ecclesial Motives

2010-12-31T09:09:00.000-07:00

The Vatican has decided to

drop its investigations of women religious;

Please resume your donations.

Catholic or Conscience

2010-12-31T09:05:00.000-07:00

This Hospital disobeyed me

and by my decree

is no longer designated Catholic;

You can always transfer your loved-one

to one of my approved hospitals

if you wish to be taken out of

the decision making process.

Whither Individual Conscience?

2010-12-27T07:28:00.000-07:00

Just do as he says;

after all he's God's rep on earth!

Catholic Care

2010-12-21T14:30:00.000-07:00

If you read the fine print

on the Catholic Hospital entrance forms,

you will note that you and your loved-one

have ceded your rights

to make your own moral and ethical decisions

to the hierarchy.

Catholic Care

2010-12-15T13:33:00.000-07:00

We DO believe in life hereafter,

but in case we're wrong,

Church teaching demands tube-feeding.

Pope Advances Several Dozen Priests and Nuns towards Sainthood

2010-12-12T13:01:00.000-07:00

Baptism does advance people

to a priesthood of the Laity,

but not SAINTHOOD.

The Upside of Irrelevancy

2010-12-09T06:18:00.000-07:00

Hey, becoming irrelevant

is not all bad;

there's less demands on us!

Whatever happened to Baptism?

2010-12-02T17:58:00.000-07:00

Whatever happened to

the Priesthood of the Baptized?

Did they not tell us

we were ALL called/

Select group

2010-11-22T16:22:00.000-07:00

It makes no difference

that your wife's life would be at risk

in childbirth;

The pope says

only male prostitutes can use condoms.

Qualities of a Good Leader

2010-11-18T09:40:00.002-07:00

We need to elect a Leader

of our Bishops Conference

that has the Charisma

(gift-of-gab, blarney)

to take peoples' attention

off all of our misdeeds.

Exorcists

2010-11-17T07:16:00.000-07:00

I've joined the new Exorcist Team;

Our first assignment is purging the Vatican.

A posting in Rome for years sounds great.

What Problem?

2010-10-11T13:36:00.001-07:00

We have studied the issue of

the reduced number of ordained celibate males

in the church

and have concluded that

the problem is fixing itself;

Catholics are leaving the church

at a higher rate that will result

in the "smaller purer" clergy

being adequate

to "lead" the flock.

21st Century Babel

2010-10-08T12:34:00.000-07:00

If you all pray, bow, kneel, and stand

exactly as We instruct you,

disregarding your inherent and cultural differences,

we can together build our tower.

His Way or the Highway

2010-10-06T13:23:00.000-07:00

He said we cannot politicize the Eucharist

by disagreeing with him

about Anything.

Making sure people are Good Enough to be Healed

2010-10-06T08:24:00.000-07:00

The Knights of Columbus

are screening people

to be sure they're straight

and not divorced and remarried

and that they do not support

the ordination of Women.

Enlightenment

2010-09-29T04:51:00.000-07:00

All this time,

I thought it was OUR Church.

. . . the back door?

2010-09-28T11:19:00.000-07:00

No, you cannot get married and retain your RC priesthood;

If however you transfer to the Anglican Church,

which does ordain married men,

We'll accept their ordination of you and

ignore your marital status.

. . . for a good cause?

2010-09-21T10:45:00.001-07:00

Yeah, Yeah, I know

it's going to keep the Vatican Bank afloat,

but at least it's tax deductible.

Vatican ties to Britain

2010-09-15T09:53:00.001-07:00

Looks like the Pope shops

at the same boutique

as our Queen.

Holy Discrimination

2010-09-14T05:08:00.000-07:00

Discrimination of any kind is always wrong,

always sinful,

unless so deigned by God

as communicated to Church Hierarchy.

Ecclesial Reasoning

2010-09-07T13:37:00.002-07:00

In Whose Tradition?

2010-07-27T04:51:00.003-07:00

They said we're moving to

a more-traditional liturgy,

not so much as Jesus did it,

(and those that followed Him)

but more like Emperor Constantine,

the Father of Hierarchical Church.

Kindred Spirits

2010-07-21T04:40:00.001-07:00

We Anglicans joined you Catholics

when we discovered

You despise the same people we do.

Bishop Offers Hope to Women of the Church

2010-07-21T04:19:00.002-07:00

As long as no one tells the Vatican

Grave Crimes

2010-07-16T13:10:00.001-07:00

Even though he protected numerous child-abusers,

the Vatican considers him a bishop in good-standing

because he never ordained a female.

Lost Message

2010-07-15T10:29:00.001-07:00

Mary, Mary,

the guys have all split,

so please go spread the Good News,

and Keep My Spiritually alive through the centuries,

but know that

the guys will never ordain you

as I do now.

Women in the Church

2010-07-15T06:17:00.001-07:00

God the Father is male;

Jesus was a male;

The Holy Spirit is . . .

a dove or . . .firery tongue, or . . .

How in heaven's name

can females expect to be ordained,

to be considered equals!

Hell

2010-07-15T05:58:00.003-07:00

The Jews knew nothing

of a "Hell."

They do not believe in the place

of Everlasting Torment.

We know

"Fear of Hell"

as the thing that keeps us

on track and in line

on our march to heaven.

Even there is no word for it in Jesus' Aramaic,
we know it's what He intended.

Women Need Not Apply

2010-06-29T07:55:00.001-07:00

There will no longer be female teachers

in our seminaries and adult-ed programs;

Their take on Catholic teaching

has become far too compassionate.

Re-Assignment

2010-06-29T07:46:00.002-07:00

We think you better serve the Church

by staying home

and delivering more Catholic Babies,

leaving Church Administration

to those given the appropriate skills by God;

Celibate Males.

Retirement

2010-06-26T18:43:00.002-07:00

Retirement?

You're not even 80 years old!

Come back when you're accepted into Hospice.

Proclaiming "The Word"

2010-06-16T08:14:00.001-07:00

I've been instructed

by the Bishop's office

to keep my homilies on target,

Donations to the Diocesan Development Campaign,

Sending more straight male offspring to the seminary,

Condemning abortion (while remaining silent on our Just War,)

and

Banning Gays and Lesbians from uniting in Marriage,

in other words,

to stick to Jesus' message.

Roman Ethics

2010-06-10T09:31:00.002-07:00

Yes, the Nun was excommunicated

for saving the Mother's life

at the expense of the fetus.

Even though the alternative was to do nothing

and watch both die,

they then would have perished with the Church's Blessing.

Selective Evolution

2010-06-10T09:24:00.001-07:00

It's really no big deal

that the "thinking" Catholics are leaving;

they're not big money contributors anyway.

Just keep the Pay, Pray, and Obey group

focused on the PAY

and we'll be OK

(at least until we can retire.)

Elitist? Moi?

2010-05-15T15:21:00.002-07:00

If we don't follow their rules exactly,

we cannot be Baptized, receive the Eucharist,

send our kids to their schools,

or even have a funeral;

This is truly an EXclusive club.

Indeed

2010-05-14T14:38:00.002-07:00

On his visit to Portugal,

the Pope said,

the church's problems are the result

of all the gays and lesbians marrying . . .

Strategic Planning in Action

2010-05-05T08:12:00.001-07:00

Some of us caught protecting the abusers

will have to be sacrificed;

But BXVI has numerous compliant replacements in the wings;

Ye Olde Anglicans,

very unhappy with Women and Gays gaining their rights.

Preserve and Protect

2010-04-26T16:04:00.002-07:00

The Bishop said,

It's to protect the Children against Abuse.

We have met the enemy, and it is . . .

2010-04-23T12:22:00.003-07:00

It seems no one listens to us on matters of Sexuality;

(Have they ever?)

People don't accept our teachings on Social Justice;

(perhaps because we don't practice it?)

Few really think that gays and lesbians are objectively disordered;

Catholics don't follow our directives re political elections;

No one is really force tube-feeding dying loved-ones;

More and more people are envisioning the Divine not solely as Male;
(Women are actually getting Ordained!)

Regular attendance at Liturgy is abysmal and falling;

(They don't seem to like our new "old" language.)

We're not trusted to be among Children;

Our fund-raising campaigns go begging;

. . .

The world is sure going to hell in a hand-basket, isn't it!

Discerned Justice

2010-04-13T05:43:00.001-07:00

Yes, the Bishop's letter states that

all crimes are now to be reported to the police;

But only Ours,

not theirs.

Who's Who

2010-04-07T12:46:00.001-07:00

WE are the Victims!

We are being persecuted

for doing what we had to do

to protect the Institution

and our jobs in it.

Adults Only

2010-04-01T15:26:00.002-07:00

The Anglicans are now saying

they will not be bringing

unaccompanied minors.

I wonder Why?

Hierarchical Perspective

2010-03-29T10:07:00.001-07:00

Reporting on abuse by clerics

is trifling gossip;

Kneeling during Liturgy when told to do so

is Dogma!

So There!

2010-03-24T19:12:00.002-07:00

Yes, it is True that Catholic Intellectual Tradition

presupposes the interplay of Faith and Reason

and can Never be reduced to Fundamentalism,

biblical or papal.

Yes, it is True that Tradition is

a Socially embodied and Extended Debate,

not only about interpretations of Scripture,

but also about church teaching,

which is by definition historically conditioned,

and Evolving.

But the Debate is over,

and you are all simply to do as you are told.

Spin Cycle

2010-03-20T12:35:00.002-07:00

Yes, the Vatican's Pastoral Letter

clearly states that the way to address

the Sex-abuse issue

is to build more eucharistic adoration chapels.

Job Description

2010-03-09T09:39:00.001-07:00

The Bishop said my job

is to shield the Laity and Him

from each other.

School for Sinners

2010-03-09T05:03:00.001-07:00

Yes, we are all sinners (the non-ordained anyway,)

but selected sins of the parents

will keep their children

from being accepted into our Catholic School.

Go Figure

2010-03-08T13:37:00.001-07:00

Children adopted by people of the same gender

cannot be admitted to Catholic School,

because . . .

well, because . . .

people living in sin must be punished in some way.