Reform or Rebirth

Trying to reform the Roman Church
in the light of 
the growth in human knowledge
since the Middle Ages
is tantamount to
working to
offer free WiFi
on Pan Am DC3 flights.

On a Pedestal

As Francis said,
We value and respect you;
A Just Wage 
and/or Ordination
is not part of the package.

The Pope and Women

As Francis said,
Just because we don't ordain them
doesn't mean we don't appreciate them.

Do as we SAY, not . . .

Francis' Messages
of Inclusiveness, Love, Compassion, Dialogue,etc.
were directed at the Laity,
not God's representatives on earth.


Without the immigrants,
we'd close up shop.

Giving Women a Voice in the Church

Francis has encouraged us
to give Women a Voice in the Church,

Stamp of Approval

Well, Fellow Bishops,
Francis has said to us,
"Well Done!"
If only the rest if the world
Would get with it.

American Heroes

There must be some mistake;
Dorothy Day? (Maybe Doris Day)
Thomas Merton?

Taking Francis to Heart

Francis told the Bishops
that Church
is not about buildings.


Francis said 
Love is as important as doctrine?
Anyone know what he meant?

Sinners Still

Women who abort
have been demoted
to our forgiveness level
for a year,
ordinary sinners.

Holy Revenue Stream

Now that Francis
has made annulments Free,
We'll just charge more
for Marriages.

. . . maybe we can start
charging for Confessions.

Good Thinking

That'll show them!
Now they'll have to mail in their contributions.

Blessing in Disguise

I guess we'll just have to do Liturgy
in our Homes.
Hey, isn't that the way
it all started?

Instituted by man to serve man

Fewer and fewer
are coming to make weekly donations already;
What happens when they finally discover
Jesus never instituted the Eucharist?

Compassion . . . to a point.

Yes, Francis wants us
to act with Love and Compassion
as long as we comply with
Doctrine, Dogma, Rules, Regulations.

All Aboard to ?

The Catholic Express;
Driven by
Francis and/or the Bishops

Fair is Fair

You are not being treated unfairly!

We don't pay unordained males
a living wage either.

Teaching Requirements

Although you have a Master's degree,
all of the teachers in our school
must take Obedience Training.

Reason to Close

The Diocese could not find any
straight celibate obedient males
to be Pastor;
Only Women and Married Men

Equal but Separate?

Cardinal Burke

Who said the Church lacks the Feminine Touch?
 Cardinal Burke by Phil Roussin, flickr. "Priestly Ordinations with His Eminence Raymond Leo Cardinal Burke at Saint Francis de Sales Oratory, Saint Louis, Missouri."


OK, Fellow bishops, who was assigned
to pack the Supreme Court?

God's Reps

People of the same gender
may be legally married,
but not in the eyes of God;
just ask us.


The Court is only Supreme in the USA,
We are representatives
of God's Laws,
Supreme in the Universe.


All Bishops have a D.D. (Doctor of Divinity) Degree;
I think it's from the U of H,
University of Heaven.

No Mere Employee, Indeed

Salary Increase? No.
Health Insurance? No.
Contract? No.
Unionize? No Way;
You're not a mere Employee,
You're a Minister!

Role Model

The Irish have become Pagan;
They need to be more Christlike,
like me.

Hurrah High Birth Rates

Your Emminences,
I am pleased to report that
Our anti-birth control strategy
is a success;
The number of Catholics
in Third World Countries
is soaring!

We need to approve
the cloning of priests,

A Hierarchical Response

The Irish
don't really support Gay Marriage;
They're just voicing their resentment
to Clergy abuse of their kids
and hierarchical protection
of the abusers.

They'll get over it 
. . . in a generation or two.


Just table the issue
of Catholics leaving the Church in droves
for some other future meeting . . . 
What do wear for Francis' visit?

Equal but Separate

The bishop has said
We should not discriminate against Gays and Lesbians
as long as they don't ask to have meetings
in our Church.

Job Description

Francis wants us to
Stop ordering people around;
I thought that's why we were appointed/anointed/chosen/ordained?

Taking a Positive view

With Six Catholics Leaving
for every new Convert,
Our Priest per Lay Person Ratio
will be just fine!

New Quotas

See the latest memo
from the Bishop?
He says 
Six Catholics are leaving Church
for every new Convert
and so we each must find
at least 5 newbies.

An Open Church

Strategic Diversion

Great News, Fellow Bishops,
Our Strategy is working;
they Love Francis
Nothing is changing!

Catholic Social Justice

We would pay you the same as we pay men;
But we only hire Men for those jobs.


Said he might take the Vatican offer/order to resign
if they let him 
keep and wear all his Stuff.

Tempus Fugit

Francis wants us
to move the Church
into the modern world
as promised with Vatican II,
but he has not yet told us
which century.

Clergy Retirement Redefined

Only Bishops and Popes can retire.
Besides, there's no money in your retirement fund;
We needed it for other things.

Eternal Work

The Bishop said
There's no money in our Pension Fund
as it was used to defend the institution
against those suing to put us out of work.
He said our reward would come
in the next life.
Is this where Faith comes in?


You, indeed, are old enough to retire.
However there is not enough money in the Pension Fund for you.
It went to the Lawyers defending us
against the predatory Abuse Victims
and other such hierarchical priorities.

In any case, you signed up for a Ministry,
not a job.

Social Justice

If we ordained Women,
we certainly would have them paid
the same salaries as are paid men.
(Of Course we'll never ordain women.)

Source of Wisdom

Could have saved the long climb
and just asked Tim Dolan.

Forbidden Apple Eaters

No, Women are not allowed
on the Church's Commissions
Developing a Feminine Theology
Studying Women's role in the Church.
Only males
are qualified for such deliberations.

2000 Years ago

This Guy Jesus
is a real threat to our Power and Control;
If everyone starts behaving
as He preaches,
we're doomed.

OK, here's the plan:
Although He never asked to be Worshiped,
Let's get rid of Jesus,
Make him a Martyr,
Convince the people that they are responsible
for His Death
and that they need to worship (rather than emulate) Him.

We will then provide people
the only "approved" way of doing so,
making sure we keep them
feeling Guilty and Unworthy.

With this plan,
We'll remain in Control
on Easy Street.