Is God Laughing or Crying?
Tragically Humorous or Humorously Tragic
That'll show them!
Now they'll have to mail in their contributions.
Blessing in Disguise
I guess we'll just have to do Liturgy
in our Homes.
Hey, isn't that the way
it all started?
Instituted by man to serve man
Fewer and fewer
are coming to make weekly donations already;
What happens when they finally discover
Jesus never instituted the Eucharist?
Compassion . . . to a point.
Yes, Francis wants us
to act with Love and Compassion
as long as we comply with
Doctrine, Dogma, Rules, Regulations.
All Aboard to ?
The Catholic Express;
Francis and/or the Bishops
Fair is Fair
You are not being treated unfairly!
We don't pay unordained males
a living wage either.
Although you have a Master's degree,
all of the teachers in our school
must take Obedience Training.
Reason to Close
The Diocese could not find any
straight celibate obedient males
to be Pastor;
Only Women and Married Men
Equal but Separate?
Who said the Church lacks the Feminine Touch?
OK, Fellow bishops, who was assigned
to pack the Supreme Court?
People of the same gender
may be legally married,
but not in the eyes of God;
just ask us.
The Court is only Supreme in the USA,
We are representatives
of God's Laws,
Supreme in the Universe.
All Bishops have a D.D. (Doctor of Divinity) Degree;
I think it's from the U of H,
University of Heaven.
Burke, dressed for success
No Mere Employee, Indeed
Salary Increase? No.
Health Insurance? No.
Unionize? No Way;
You're not a mere Employee,
You're a Minister!
The Irish have become Pagan;
They need to be more Christlike,
Hurrah High Birth Rates
I am pleased to report that
Our anti-birth control strategy
is a success;
The number of Catholics
in Third World Countries
We need to approve
the cloning of priests,
A Hierarchical Response
don't really support Gay Marriage;
They're just voicing their resentment
to Clergy abuse of their kids
and hierarchical protection
of the abusers.
They'll get over it
. . . in a generation or two.
Just table the issue
of Catholics leaving the Church in droves
for some other future meeting . . .
What do wear for Francis' visit?
Equal but Separate
The bishop has said
We should not discriminate against Gays and Lesbians
as long as they don't ask to have meetings
in our Church.
Francis wants us to
Stop ordering people around;
I thought that's why we were appointed/anointed/chosen/ordained?
Taking a Positive view
With Six Catholics Leaving
for every new Convert,
Our Priest per Lay Person Ratio
will be just fine!
See the latest memo
from the Bishop?
Six Catholics are leaving Church
for every new Convert
and so we each must find
at least 5 newbies.
An Open Church
Great News, Fellow Bishops,
Our Strategy is working;
they Love Francis
Nothing is changing!
Catholic Social Justice
We would pay you the same as we pay men;
But we only hire Men for those jobs.
Said he might take the Vatican offer/order to resign
if they let him
keep and wear all his Stuff.
Francis wants us
to move the Church
into the modern world
as promised with Vatican II,
but he has not yet told us
Clergy Retirement Redefined
Only Bishops and Popes can retire.
Besides, there's no money in your retirement fund;
We needed it for other things.
Hierarchical interpretation of Scripture
"Be Still and Know that
I am God!"
The Bishop said
There's no money in our Pension Fund
as it was used to defend the institution
against those suing to put us out of work.
He said our reward would come
in the next life.
Is this where Faith comes in?
You, indeed, are old enough to retire.
However there is not enough money in the Pension Fund for you.
It went to the Lawyers defending us
against the predatory Abuse Victims
and other such hierarchical priorities.
In any case, you signed up for a Ministry,
not a job.
If we ordained Women,
we certainly would have them paid
the same salaries as are paid men.
(Of Course we'll never ordain women.)
Source of Wisdom
Could have saved the long climb
and just asked Tim Dolan.
Forbidden Apple Eaters
No, Women are not allowed
on the Church's Commissions
Developing a Feminine Theology
Studying Women's role in the Church.
are qualified for such deliberations.
2000 Years ago
This Guy Jesus
is a real threat to our Power and Control;
If everyone starts behaving
as He preaches,
OK, here's the plan:
Although He never asked to be Worshiped,
Let's get rid of Jesus,
Make him a Martyr,
Convince the people that they are responsible
for His Death
and that they need to worship (rather than emulate) Him.
We will then provide people
the only "approved" way of doing so,
making sure we keep them
feeling Guilty and Unworthy.
With this plan,
We'll remain in Control
on Easy Street.
Voice of the Women
We need the voice of the Women,
Repeat after me . . .
The American Way
Come Follow Me!
Immanent Victory Celebration
The Supreme Court
with my five Catholic Opus Dei Judges
finally will put an end to these
No more arguing
about same gender marriage!
Do as you're told
Clear directions from the Top
sure makes our lives easier:
"Don't breed like rabbits,
But birth control is forbidden."
"Listen to the Women,
but don' let 'em near the Altar."
The Laity must stop having children
But without Birth Control,
We, Clergy will Listen more to Women,
even though they are not qualified to be Ordained.
Women's Voice in Church
We need to listen more to them.
Afraid of women
Mary, please don't let my Church
become too feminine,
Look how our relationship
is driving the men away.
New Career Path
I'm exploring moving
to some small island nation diocese
in order to get
my Red Hat.
have said we can accept any and all families
as long as they're patterned after
the classic TV show
"Father Knows Best."
A good cause
I know the Bishops are misusing the donations,
But they're tax deductible . . .