Francis Who?

Francis is speaking
to the Third World,
His World;
The Church in the U.S.
is already as it should be.

Lost Focus

They'll go through history
focused on my death;
You and Yours
must remind everyone about

New Discoveries

We cannot allow a Woman
to be raised to a position of being
Jesus' Wife;
We will have to resort to Plan B;
He was Gay.
(Too Bad, fundamentalists!)

Canon Law Enacted

We clergy
do not wash the feet of  Women
on Holy Thursday;
Women's feet are not dirty
and besides,
as Jesus showed us in Scripture,
Women are to wash OUR feet.

Training for What?

We Baptize 'em,
Get them through Religious Ed,
but then as soon as 
they can think for themselves
and rely on their own consciences,
the Bishops kick 'em out!

Go Figure

We know you are Baptized,
have received the Sacraments,
have degrees from Catholic Institutions,
are doing wonderful work with the Bereaved
and are helping people grow Spiritually,
but the trouble is,
living, speaking, writing
your truth
and your conscience
undermines all our efforts
at Control.


Cardinal Burke
speaking on
Being a Humble Joyful Catholic.

Raising the Role of Women in the Church

We're working on a theology for you,
maybe even a non-sacramental deaconate,
but it will not include priestly ordination
or a pay raise or health benefits.

Who's to Judge?

Francis spoke for himself alone
When he said, 
"Who am I to judge?"
certainly not for the Bishops.

The American Way

He says
Francis just does not understand
how things work in America.

Capitalism at its Finest

We've already bought
the U.S. Catholic Hierarchy

Be Poor

No increase in pay or benefits
for you or church employees.
Francis wants you all
to live poorly.

To help,
We are raising the Diocesan Tax
On your parish
to fund our programs

American Catholic Church

Though we never thought of a U.S. Schism
under Benedict,
We may need one from Francis
if we are to protect our
Power, Status, and Lifestyles.

Botched Survey

The survey results
are a disaster!
Not enough of the regular Pewsitters
submitted the pre-printed responses
we gave them.

Retiring in Style

With about $300,000 in upgrades,
it will make a suitable retirement residence for me.

The new pastoral hierarchy

He's one of
Francis' new "pastoral" appointees;
took over a parish twenty years ago
for two weeks
while the real pastor was in hospital.

Don't worry,
he still got his degree in
Canon Law.

Control without Responsibility

The Vatican is telling the UN
that we are not its employees
and that it is not responsible for our actions.

Tried preaching a homily
contrary to Vatican teaching lately?


Corporations are "persons"
and may contribute any amount
to political candidates.

Gays and Lesbians
are not
and may not wed
members of same gender.

Vatican seeks new theology of Women

Job Loss

If Francis
dismantles this hierarchical institution,
what are we going to do
for a living?

Unknown Territory

wants me to stop "Moralizing,"
to be about "Helping the Poor."

I'll wait for further instructions . . .

Whose Freedom

The Bishops' fight
For Religious Freedom
has nothing to do with you;
You signed your conscience away
to get ordained by us.

Bad News/Good News

will not approve ordination of women,
He wants to eliminate

Now What

The purpose of this meeting,
your Emmenences,
is to discuss ways
to reprogram the young people
Francis is attracting to the Church
Out of their free-thinking mode.

If we don't do so,
they will quickly discover
Francis has simply provided
a new entrance
to the same old institution.

Person of the Year?

I don't think Dolan reads Time.

Paralysis by Analysis

The objective,
Fellow Bishops,
is to
And thus Delay
into oblivion.

From on High

Pay no attention
to what the media is saying
about Francis;
Do as your told.

Lost in Translation

Francis' message
to these Bishops
lost something in translation.

Selected non-discrimination

the Pope proclaims 

a Priority for the Poor,

but NOT
for Women.

Licit? Valid?

Anybody here Ordained?




Now what do we do?

Consubstantiation notwithstanding

You liked our last
Translations of liturgy so much,
We're using the same technique
on the sacraments.

Unintelligible but Oh so Latin-like.

Smaller and Purer is manageable.

If Vatican II had been implemented,
the church would not have enough celibate males
to accommodate all the people
wanting to join.

How Long

This organization is shrinking so fast;
can we keep it going
until we pass?


You all loved the new/old language
of the Liturgy so much,
We're extending it to
the Sacraments.


You may no longer teach
in our school;
Catholic Education
at the diocesan level
has never been based on having
an Open Mind.

The Guys who run the system.

We'll continue to be in Control
for a long time
as long as Francis
has to appoint Bishops
from our list of candidates.

Who IS running the Show?

Francis is just good PR;
Nothing is changing
at the Operational Level.


Anyone know a 
Submissive Female
we can showcase
as part of our new
Open  Bishops Conference?
A Trophy Nun or such.

Emancipation Proclamation

By Papal Declaration
Women are called to Service,
not Servitude.
All Leg Irons are being removed.

The Role of Women in the Church

Francis confirmed
that Women are called
to Service,
not Servitude.

We use no leg irons or such.


It's a good thing
we don't have to use donations
to fund our lifestyle.

Hierarchical Dilemna

The Press has discovered that
we convinced the Republicans
to block Obama-Care
that we have criticized them
for shutting down the Government.

Any ideas?

Job Description

No one is getting married in the Church any more;
Confessions are passé;
Baptisms are few and far between;
Parents are keeping their kids away from us;
Parishes are being closed left and right;
We're being told to run 2, 3, 4 parishes;
And the retirement age is now 75!
Your resume up to date?

Not much call for Professional Bread Blessers.

Banned in America

The American Hierarchy
has opted NOT to adopt
The Francis Mode.

Social Justice Null and Void

Fair Wage?
Health Insurance?
This is a Ministry, not a job.
Social Justice is not applicable
for those working for the Church.

and we can let you go
any time we choose.


As long as we have them convinced
that Eucharist is the Bread of Life
that we are the ONLY ones
who can create it,

We've got 'em hooked for life.