All Aboard to ?

The Catholic Express;
Driven by
Francis and/or the Bishops

Fair is Fair

You are not being treated unfairly!

We don't pay unordained males
a living wage either.

Teaching Requirements

Although you have a Master's degree,
all of the teachers in our school
must take Obedience Training.

Reason to Close

The Diocese could not find any
straight celibate obedient males
to be Pastor;
Only Women and Married Men
applied.

Equal but Separate?


Cardinal Burke

 
Who said the Church lacks the Feminine Touch?
 Cardinal Burke by Phil Roussin, flickr. "Priestly Ordinations with His Eminence Raymond Leo Cardinal Burke at Saint Francis de Sales Oratory, Saint Louis, Missouri."

Oooops

  
OK, Fellow bishops, who was assigned
to pack the Supreme Court?

God's Reps

People of the same gender
may be legally married,
but not in the eyes of God;
just ask us.

Supremer

The Court is only Supreme in the USA,
We are representatives
of God's Laws,
Supreme in the Universe.

Degreed

All Bishops have a D.D. (Doctor of Divinity) Degree;
I think it's from the U of H,
University of Heaven.

No Mere Employee, Indeed

Salary Increase? No.
Health Insurance? No.
Contract? No.
Unionize? No Way;
You're not a mere Employee,
You're a Minister!

Role Model

The Irish have become Pagan;
They need to be more Christlike,
like me.

Hurrah High Birth Rates

Your Emminences,
I am pleased to report that
Our anti-birth control strategy
is a success;
The number of Catholics
in Third World Countries
is soaring!

We need to approve
the cloning of priests,
However.

A Hierarchical Response

The Irish
don't really support Gay Marriage;
They're just voicing their resentment
to Clergy abuse of their kids
and hierarchical protection
of the abusers.

They'll get over it 
. . . in a generation or two.

Priorities

Just table the issue
of Catholics leaving the Church in droves
for some other future meeting . . . 
What do wear for Francis' visit?

Equal but Separate

The bishop has said
We should not discriminate against Gays and Lesbians
as long as they don't ask to have meetings
in our Church.



Job Description

Francis wants us to
Stop ordering people around;
I thought that's why we were appointed/anointed/chosen/ordained?

Taking a Positive view

With Six Catholics Leaving
for every new Convert,
Our Priest per Lay Person Ratio
will be just fine!
 

New Quotas

See the latest memo
from the Bishop?
He says 
Six Catholics are leaving Church
for every new Convert
and so we each must find
at least 5 newbies.




An Open Church

http://www.truthdig.com/images/cartoonuploads/vatican2_500.jpg

Strategic Diversion

Great News, Fellow Bishops,
Our Strategy is working;
they Love Francis
and
Nothing is changing!

Catholic Social Justice

We would pay you the same as we pay men;
But we only hire Men for those jobs.

Appearances

Said he might take the Vatican offer/order to resign
if they let him 
keep and wear all his Stuff.

Tempus Fugit

Francis wants us
to move the Church
into the modern world
as promised with Vatican II,
but he has not yet told us
which century.

Clergy Retirement Redefined

No!
Only Bishops and Popes can retire.
Besides, there's no money in your retirement fund;
We needed it for other things.

Eternal Work

The Bishop said
There's no money in our Pension Fund
as it was used to defend the institution
against those suing to put us out of work.
He said our reward would come
in the next life.
Is this where Faith comes in?
 

HUH?

You, indeed, are old enough to retire.
However there is not enough money in the Pension Fund for you.
It went to the Lawyers defending us
against the predatory Abuse Victims
and other such hierarchical priorities.

In any case, you signed up for a Ministry,
not a job.

Social Justice

If we ordained Women,
we certainly would have them paid
the same salaries as are paid men.
(Of Course we'll never ordain women.)

Source of Wisdom

Could have saved the long climb
and just asked Tim Dolan.

Forbidden Apple Eaters

No, Women are not allowed
on the Church's Commissions
Developing a Feminine Theology
and
Studying Women's role in the Church.
Only males
are qualified for such deliberations.

2000 Years ago




This Guy Jesus
is a real threat to our Power and Control;
If everyone starts behaving
as He preaches,
we're doomed.

OK, here's the plan:
Although He never asked to be Worshiped,
Let's get rid of Jesus,
Make him a Martyr,
Convince the people that they are responsible
for His Death
and that they need to worship (rather than emulate) Him.

We will then provide people
the only "approved" way of doing so,
making sure we keep them
feeling Guilty and Unworthy.

With this plan,
We'll remain in Control
and 
on Easy Street.

Agreed!

 
 
 
 

Voice of the Women

Francis says
We need the voice of the Women,
So,
Repeat after me . . . 

The American Way

Francis Who?
Come Follow Me!

Immanent Victory Celebration

The Supreme Court
with my five Catholic Opus Dei Judges
finally will put an end to these
same-gender marriages!

What separation?

No more arguing
about same gender marriage!

Do as you're told

Clear directions from the Top
sure makes our lives easier:

"Don't breed like rabbits,
But birth control is forbidden."

"Listen to the Women, 
but don' let 'em near the Altar."

Straight Talk

The Laity must stop having children
Willy-Nilly,
But without Birth Control,
Naturally.

We, Clergy will Listen more to Women,
even though they are not qualified to be Ordained.

Women's Voice in Church

Francis says
We need to listen more to them.

Afraid of women

Mary, please don't let my Church
become too feminine,
Look how our relationship
is driving the men away.

New Career Path

I'm exploring moving 
to some small island nation diocese
in order to get
my Red Hat.

Family orientation


The Bishops
have said we can accept any and all families
as long as they're patterned after
the classic TV show
"Father Knows Best."

A good cause

I know the Bishops are misusing the donations,
But they're tax deductible . . . 

A Good Cause?

I it turns out
The Vatican does not need my money,
But the Bishop's lawyers do.

A Choice

The real world with Francis
is far too depressing and challenging for me,
I'm staying with the likes of Burke, Chaput, Dolan, etc.,
far easier and more secure
to Pay, Pray, Obey.

RC Evangelization Strategy

If you all now join the Catholic Church,
We guarantee safe entry to Heaven.

Evil is as evil does

Vatican says,
"Halloween is Evil."